Cutting Corners

Facing Rejection

[d1noli @ Thursday, August 04, 2005]

I don't like it when things don't work out.

Just this morning, I was told that a training event I had been working on for the last couple of months was not pushing through. Lack of funding according to the powers that be. My heart sank upon hearing the news.

Were this the initial stages of the project, I would have been less devastated and more emotionally detached. However, I'd already invested a lot of time and effort into this. Among other things, I was able to get a procurement process started for the event's logistics, organize an instructional design team to handle the development of the training material, implement a detailed strategy-timeline, and begin gathering rich content from the subject matter experts. And now, with the plug being pulled, all this work has gone to waste.

So, needless to say, I am a little bit more than depressed right now. As much as I like my job, it is times like these when I begin to question my very worth in the organization. Let's face it --- training is often seen as an ignored stepchild, often forgotten unless really needed. In fact, the only time I seem to get any attention around here is when something goes awry. An associate saying he's not been trained adequately therefore can't make enough money. Or maybe a customer complaining because of a policy's feature was not explained well enough. Yes, no one ever really thinks about training unless training is part of the problem.

The ironic thing is --- there wouldn't BE a training problem if there actually WAS training taking place. You stop my projects telling me that it's not important then later come back to me complaining that there wasn't enough training! WTF? It's almost like someone shooting themselves then telling a doctor (who's trying to help, by the way) that it's his fault. AARGH! Will someone please stop the insanity?!

I know I have to become more accepting of these kind of things. It's just business after all and, at the end of the day, more important initiatives will have to take precedence over other "immeasurables". However, I won't deny that it will ALWAYS hurt. When others people don't align to my same vision and passion, I feel rejected. It's as if, my own person is the one being attacked and denied.

This is yet another reason why I've begun to feel like Corporate America is not for me. I've never been good at taking rejection. This environment is all about looking at cold hard numbers and making a decision based of that. The human element is completely taken out of the equation. Therefore, something may be the right thing to do from a people perspective but if it doesn't clearly produce a return on investment, then it's viewed as worthless. That's why I often feel like I am a nothing in this job. I can make a world of difference by giving others valuable skills and learnings, but here, those skills are seen as unnecessary.

Everyday I work, it almost seems like I lose a part of my soul. Weren't it for the fact of my partner, my family and my friends, I wouldn't have a way to find it back. Fortunately for me, they are the part of my life that do work out. Because of their love, I do not feel rejected.