Cutting Corners

Wholly Weak

[d1noli @ Wednesday, March 23, 2005]

Last Sunday was Palm Sunday, a significant date for all Christians (and specifically Catholics) like myself out there. This day marked the beginning of Holy Week, a period of prayer, penitence and sacrifice. It is here that we, the faithful, are called to seriously reflect on our lives and work towards "coming back to God". This week ultimately culminates seven days later on Easter Sunday which is a commemoration of our Lord's rising from the dead and triumph over evil. On this Sunday, Holy Week and the whole Lenten season marks its completion.

Holy Week has always held a special place in my heart, mainly because I have so many memories from this time. Some of these flashbacks are of religious solemnness --- going through the stations of the cross, praying the rosary under candlelight vigils, intense introspection sessions. Others are fun recollections of family and friends --- our almost yearly vacations out of the Philippines, retreats spent with my catholic group, family gatherings at someone's home. These remembered moments are so precious to me for they make up who I am and serve as a foundation for my psyche. Without these experiences, I cannot claim to be the same man today.

Over the years, however, Holy Week has slowly lost its significance for me. As I get more and more ingrained in the American culture, this period becomes just another day in my life. Sadly, gone is the luxury of building memories during this occasion. In its place, instead, is the mundane. The religious overtones of the period are all but ignored here. It is not something that concerns the masses. And such is the reality when you separate the church from the state. For many in this country, Holy Week is wholly weak.

While I can honestly say that my love for God has remained true over the years, I do yearn to experience His entirety during this time. I want to be able to take time and truly reflect on our relationship. I want to be able connect more with His infinite existence and understand the truths He brings into my life. I want to feel that sense intimacy and love bursting out of me once again.

Yes, I know all these can be achieved anytime when one wants. You don't really need a special period to do all this. But for me, it just feels more special when I am able to experience this during Holy Week. You know the feeling of excitement one gets from finally being able to take a vacation long planned for? It used to be just like that for me. Back then, I looked forward to this week with much anticipation. It was the special time put aside for God and I. And within Him, my soul found refuge.

The years of neglect for this religious week has clearly taken its toll. (I just do not take the time to acknowledge it.) My spirit has lost its fire. It screams out to my very being, telling me that I move too fast and do not take the time to value what's really important. It starves for the water of life. And this clearly is a facet of the void that has begun to eat on me as of late.

Hopefully, this year will be different for me. I, for one, have made it a personal goal to re-ignite my spiritual fire . These days, I make a greater effort to listen at mass and take to heart it's teachings. I also take whatever time I can to worship in prayer. And for Holy Week, I will take the time to seriously sacrifice and offer this to God. I will take this wholly weak soul of mine and, with His help, revive it. With a lot of countenance from above, I hope to be able to build new memories that will once again fill me and be cherished in years to come.

Happy Easter!