Cutting Corners

My Bro

[d1noli @ Tuesday, November 01, 2005]

I had taken half a day off to meet up with my brother who was in town visiting from Iraq, taking a much needed break from his military service. While we had actually wanted to meet up earlier, circumstances had prevented us from doing so. (I was swamped at work as usual while he had a full agenda visiting other family and friends.) Fortunately enough for us, our schedules did align on this day. So, in an effort to make best of the limited time we had, we made plans to have dinner.

Upon meeting up, we settled on a Mexican restaurant close to where I live called On The Border. Getting there early proved beneficial as we scored ourselves some good seating before the Friday crowd started to arrive. The meal also turned out to be satisfactory, serving as an ample medium in which we could catch up. (Food and drink are always great common ground. Most of my best conversations and interactions between people have been done over a meal.)

Truthfully, my brother and I have never shared a lot in common. Some might even say that we represent two extremes of the spectrum. He's the jock while I'm the nerd. He abhors structure while I positively live off it. I've often wondered how we could be so starkly different in personality amidst our being brought up by the same parents and pretty much the same environment.

Of course, it should be no surprise that our distinct characters have often lead us into conflict. Weren't it for the fact that we share the same blood, I highly doubt we would be friends, let alone acquaintances. My brother and I live such contrasting lives that there would probably be no chance of us ever meeting under our normal-life circumstances. And if we did ever meet, we'd probably want to rip each other's heart out.

Don't get me wrong. I do love my brother and care for him very much. (And I'm sure he feels the same way about me.) However, I do realize that the best way to show that love is to basically let him be and stay out of his way. He is an adult now, making his own choices. And as much as I may disagree with some of them, I do need to give him the respect he deserves. Some people have accused me of not being a real brother because I choose to take this "apathetic" attitude. I feel differently. A true brother would do no less.

Sometimes showing "apathy" is the actually best sign of affection. I've come to realize that there are just some people in the world that you should not get along with. It doesn't mean that those people are bad or wrong nor does it mean you're flawed yourself. It just means that the best recourse to take to ensure harmony is to stay as detached from each other's lives as much as possible. My brother and I both love each other. However, at the same time, molding ourselves to fit in the other's life does nothing but detriment our own well-being. Why should we have this unnecessary stress upon ourselves when being detached not only makes us happier but allows us to grow unhampered?

So, in the end, this "apathy" serves to be the basis of our relationship. To those who view it, our interactions with one another may seem sporadic, few and far between, devoid of any emotion. In reality, it's the ideal situation for both of us --- a true reflection of the love we have for each other. My baby brother headed back to Iraq this last Wednesday. I did not bring him to the airport nor did I send him any goodbyes. All I did was say a silent prayer wishing for his safe return soon. No one, not even he, saw this act of love and I'm sure that is how he would have wanted it.